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Saturday, 18 October 2008

Rollercoasters

Atm i'm on an emotional rollercoaster, and it sucks. I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and its a joke half the time because my mind is a hypocrit and I constantly contradict myself on everything I think and feel - I hate it.

I'm not going to go into detail because it'll be way too personal and it'll make me look like a fucking jerk, so I'm going to leave it at this - I'm cutting myself out of certain things for a while and I'm going to back off and focus on my education and a few certain people who mean the most to me, including the reconnection of friendships with certain ones.

Another thing, I miss a lot of people right now; I feel very distant from parts of my past that I dont want to let go of - mainly Bexox and Lito. I'm scared that this never ending loving connection that me and lito have is starting to fade, not seeing her for such a long time (along with us both changing so much recently) has made me realise that soon enough neither of us are going to be the people we used to be or had that connection with - it's one of my biggest fears right now. As for Bex, I dunno, I think about her a lot and I'm not sure why. I mean I love her to bits and I always think about her, as I do with most of my mates from home, but its different atm. I think its a part of the phase I'm in atm where I'm craving attention. It's stupid coz I always used to have attention from girls, its always been that way for years, and I loved it being there - like an insurance policy that says there's always a girl interested in me if I wanted someone to be there for me, bit of an ego boost I guess and thats arrogant and selfish and makes me look like a fucker but that's the way it is. Anyway, that insurance isn't there anymore and I'm lost without it, shares in Reno have gone down the tubes (not literally lol) and nobody seems to give much of a shit. The stupid stupid STUPID thing is I'm not even looking for a relationship atm, I just want someone to show some interest so I know I'm not a lost cause or something. I don't even know, like i said; rollercoaster.


On an upside to today, I went into town with Pixie for a bit and I got the new BMTH album 'Suicide Season' and tbh it fucking rocks. Here's what it looks like:



I've always supported the band and never downloaded their stuff (except one track from their first EP before i bought it) and I decided to support them instead of using a torrent - and I didnt regret it. Stay tuned for a full review soon :)

Anyway, go subscribe to my video channel on youtube, it'll make me happy, link below.
Click here!

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